Qui Custodes

bullying

I just posted about a kid in Wisconsin who killed his school principal.  His problem was that he was complaining about being bullied and nobody was listening to him.  I keep hearing about school killings and there always seems to be a link to bullying.  I wonder if this is selective on my part or if there is some real connection.  If there is a real connection, can we do something about this? 

Now this post doesn't really deal with self-protection except in the most general way.  But dealing with bullies is a real problem and I'll talk about how to do it periodically. 

Seems to me that the "system" should be able to prevent it but it isn't working.  I don't know why.  So I'm wondering if there isn't a better way.  If I recall correctly, Columbine was thought to be brought on--at least in part--by bullying.  Seems to me that I started to hear about anti-bully campaigns right after that.

Anybody know?  Any ideas for systemic fixes? 

Karate, Judo and other Martial Arts

Martial Arts, Judo, Karate, Jeet Kun Do, yadayadayada.  All the martial arts.  All designed to make you into the world's untimate weapon.  All designed to equalize the threat.  And none of them permit you to do miracles.  You cannot master a true martial art in a year, or even 2 or 3 years.  Especially not if you only practice for 2-3 hours a week.  No.  To truly master a martial art you must practice thousands of hours over many years.  Don't forget:  a professional fighter will work out and practice 4-6 hours a day 6 days a week.  And s/he will do this for years and years.  And even then a knife, a gun, an attack from the blind side, all can overcome your training. 

So, what's the point?  Simple:  The Martial Arts can improve your life, increase your chances of survival and make you healthier and better.  But it's not a movie and you have to practice.  And Be Alert!

Hugs--Yuk!

Something came up on a listerve I belong to over the Holidays and it got me thinking.  How many of you (especially you women) get pulled in to hugs or kisses that are unwanted.  Frequently it's relatives doing this but the hugging bug" seems to be going around a *lot* these days.  So how to avoid it without giving offence?  Try this one:  Take the Right hand of the hugger in your Right hand.  Hold firmly with a stiff elbow.  Then grip the Right forearm of the Hugger Very Firmly with your Left hand.  Then straighten *both* arms while pumping up and down twice.  The Hugger will find it almost impossible to pull you in to a Hug.  And you will be in control of their body.  When you are done, gently push off and step back.  See:  you are free to move on.

Code Talking

This is not something everyone needs or wants. But under the right circumstances (like being stalked) it can be a useful tip.

If you are concerned about being held hostage or kidnaped or otherwise detained against your will, you can establish a code phrase or phrases. The way this works is for you and your contact (wife/so/kid/partner etc.) to select a key phrase to use on the phone in case something really bad happens (kidnaping, break-in, etc.). The phrase should *sound* innocuous, like, "I'm fine. Be well ." It could be the use of a pet "name" which really isn’t one.

Now if you are *really* worried, a 'code phrase' that is NOT used may be a clue. In other words, if someone is holding you and telling you to read from a script, and you can't say "I'm fine, take care of yourself" then they won't know that you're in trouble. If, on the other hand, your code is, you always end the conversation with "Take care of yourself" and you don't use it, THEN the other party knows you're in trouble.

The phrases themselves are not important. It’s what they mean that counts.

Confrontation

I was talking with a friend of mine recently and he was worried: Seems that he was at a kids soccer game & another parent got upset about something. Rather than talking about it the other parent called my friend out. My friend wanted to avoid confrontation but also wanted to know what to do the next time he saw the other parent. My suggestions were simple:

1.  Walk away. If walking away would inflame the situation even more, try to talk.

2.  When talking to the other parent

    *    Keep your arms crossed across your chest/stomach (this will tend to prevent a sucker punch to the stomach without seeming aggressive);

    *    If you do move your hands/arms, raise them to the side of your face, rub an ear, or your cheek, or stroke you lips (this will prevent a sucker punch to the head);

    *    Point 1 foot at the other parent and step back ½ step while turning the other foot 90 degrees away (this prevents a sucker knee to the groin);

    *    Don’t let the other person within 3 feet of you;

    *    Don't let them yell at you--most people have to "warm up" before attacking;

    *    Don't laugh at them even when they are being silly; and

    *    Don't lose *your* temper.

3.    If they threaten you, remind her/him that you *will* call the police if they do anything. Now walk away again. This time, back away or walk away at an angle so you do not lose sight of her/him.

4.    Final tip:  It is my experience that the sex of the other person is irrelevant. It is impossible to predict what someone will do based on their sex. So don’t let your guard down -- a man is as likely to attack a man/woman as a woman is to attack a woman/man.

Tip 6: Email Yourself

How many times have you read about someone who goes out with their phone and keys, and they disappear and nobody has a clue where they went?  That seems to happen all the time.  At least once a year the newspapers etc. go crazy with this type of situation.  The searches can go on for days or weeks and seem to never have happy endings.  \

Now, I've talked about this in earlier posts and, if you read this, you'll understand why I say you should always check in!  Tell people where you are going and what your schedule will be.  I do this and so do my kids.  We leave word with each other on our cell phones if nothing else.

But many people don't like to let others know exactly what they are doing.  So here's one possible solution:  Just send yourself an email.  Give the details of where you are going, with who, and when you will be back.  Then, if something doesn't happen, you can just delete it. If something *does* happen, there is a record and a way to start getting help.